Jeremiah: 29: 11
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This was the verse that strengthened me, and I read it out loud to my husband as we drove to the hospital in the early hours on 9th May 2013. We were overjoyed in the beginning of April 2013, as the doctor confirmed my pregnancy. We had been married for four years then and I believe more than us our parents were overjoyed. We had decided to wait to have kids, and this was a great joyous news to everyone close to us.
But on 21 April at work I noticed I was spotting and called up my doctor, she advised me to get home and rest; and visit her office in the evening. My husband and I walked into the hospital trying to ignore all the distressing possibilities. As the vitals were taken I saw the staffs were a little worried and they told me ‘not to worry’. I came back and told my husband what happened and before he could respond we were called into the doctor’s office. The doctor, who was generally cheerful and always had a friendly chat, greeted pleasantly and asked me the details and immediately asked us to accompany her to the check-up room.
A scan showed no heartbeat, this was really disappointing to us. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that we had this lady as our doctor. She made me feel so comfortable to tear-up, and comforted us before she referred us to some specialist assessment to confirm. We went to the nearest place she referred us to and I was really praying in my heart for a miracle and that we get to have a scan report the same evening. The laboratory plainly refused to take us for examination which was a shock for me. The fact that they do not consider any case of crisis was probably too much for me to take in and put me at a verge of bursting to tears. I look back and praise God for giving me the privilege of growing up in a Christian family. Because instead of bursting into tears I poured my heart to my all-knowing Father in heaven. This time I prayed that God’s will be fulfilled in our lives.
God gave us this child and he know how much joy this child brought to us, so I committed us into His hands. I was reminded of the promise from His word, Romans: 8: 28 All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. We left for the other hospital that was referred to us, it was late by the time we reached there. We were not sure if we would be taken in for the scan as the receptionist had mentioned that it was their closing time. We had to wait for quite some time, and looking back I praise God for that moment, which was a teachable moment for me. It gave me time to pray in my heart that whatever the result be, give us the strength to accept it and that we would know the result the same night.
We were called in and I praised God for the staff who was willing to work beyond his schedule. This time I prayed for strength in my heart to accept the result as I wanted His will to be fulfilled in our lives. The result showed no heartbeat and sign of miscarriage. I felt emotionally numb and was quite mechanical when I changed back to my clothes. I get out to see my husband cry for the first time. This was the moment when the reality stuck me, I just held his arms and we sat on the nearby sofa. I just wanted somebody to hold us, be around for us. We took the results and drove back home.
The following day, we told our dear and near ones, who provided us comfort but the most comfort I found was from my heavenly Father. The quiet time portions during those days were so beautiful and comforting, like it was there just for me. I learned during those days, that the child was a gift from God to us, and if God asks us to give back we should be willing to give it back to Him wholeheartedly. We had regular visit to our ob-gyn to ensure that the foetus would go on its own. We were asked to wait for two weeks with regular checks with the doctor. She then referred us back to the hospital for D&C procedure which was done on 9th May 2013.
I was advised not to have any oral intake from 10 pm the previous night, and we were asked to arrive early at the hospital to be admitted before the procedure. The process for admission was a bit long and involved us to have to wait for a long time. Around 9:00 am we got the room and one of our family friends (husband & wife) came visited us before they went for work. God definitely sent them to us, to cheer us up, lift our spirits and pray along with us. Praise God for beautiful friends like them. Around 10 or 10:30 I was given suppository (by then it was pat 12 hours since I had food) and I went to sleep as I was very hungry and at that moment felt like the best solution to ignore hunger. Around 12 I woke up and went to the wash room, and in there I felt dizzy and called my husband. The next thing I know I was carried to the bed and there were staffs around me trying to wake me up and prepping me to be taken to the OT. Eventually, I was taken to the OT, and I could see my husband through the people around me. When we reached the OT, I got a little strength to sit up and told to the staff I needed to puke. But they wanted me to lie down, and too late, I puked on the floor, almost on a nurse who jumped but still stood by me helping me to spew out and rubbing my back. Then I woke to someone crying in Arabic, and realized I was in the recovery room. The staff sounded happy and cheerful to see me up and I was taken back to the room and discharged the same night.
Today after 3 years (4 years in 2 months) we have an almost 2-year-old, we look back on those days, we laugh at these moments (specially, my husband’s side of story) and praise God for His comfort and strength during those moments. We see how beautiful plans he had for us, to prosper us and hold on to the hope for the future. I had various moments after this episode in my life, where I felt like if this had not happened in my life, my feelings could have been hurt by words from my near ones. Oh my God loves me, and takes care of my needs even before I realize I needed them.